Sweet Sunshine!

This post is dedicated to my friend and fellow teacher Kristin who opened my eyes to my road of finding out.  She was the first person in my teacher training who I had time to get to know before the training for a few short days. I am honored to have shared time with such an inspiring person who taught me so much through her life experiences and wise words.  As she taught her first class with her sweet southern voice and contagious smile, I felt calm yet strong when she mentioned delicately throughout the asana to sit proudly even in the most subtle postures.  Nearing the end of her practice she reminded the class about each of our own journeys to finding our path, followed by her soulmate Cat Steven's song, "On the road to find out".  By day 19, I did not think that I could transform any more than I had already had in the past weeks, but she reaffirmed to us that we are always in a fluid motion to finding out.  I came to the Costa Rica Yoga Spa for teacher training, but I what I gained was much more than just a certificate.  The insight I acquired over the past 3 weeks from my friends, teachers, scripture, and yoga itself has continued to aid in the ever changing transformation of essentially who I am.

Week 3 of teacher training, ahh what!

It is nearing the end of week three and the Shakti (energy) has been overwhelming.  I have reminded myself to take mental notes every chance I get whether it be about a certain sequence I plan on teaching or about the stunning sunset we are so blessed with each night here.  On Sunday we played on the beach of San Juanillo, Costa Rica were the color of the sand changed from cream to metallic black within a slowly paced ten minute walk.  My new friend Ellen and I decided that "yoga camp" as her parents call it, was just not enough of a mental mind fuck(a positive mental mind fuck to clarify), we would go for an hour long walk on the beach to listen to each other's viewpoints on the all inclusive subject of life.  We discussed various topics that two fairly new friends would talk about.  Ya know, our perspectives on life, love, and all the things we could squeeze out  of each other in that short period of time.  Aside from randomly stopping for unique shells on the beach, the conversation seemed to be endless as we consistently sparked up new interesting topics for each other to engage in.  We had lost track of time and found our way immersing into the crystal clear blue water.  As I swam my way up out of the ocean, wiped the water from my eyes, and slicked back my long hair to find Ellen, I felt the most at ease I had felt in years.  It was one of those "Ah ha moments".  An "Ah ha moment" in my description, is a moment when one recognizes something significant, which most likely has been in front of he or she for a long time; However, the connection between the mind, body, and spirit has finally been made.  Thus, inspiring the individual to say "Ah ha!".  So you may wonder what my moment was all about.  It was very simple and yes, it was right in front of me for a long time.  I was happy.  That was it.  I was happy and grateful for it.  Staring at the sparkling sun glazed water after rubbing my eyes clean helped me to embrace that one second in time I would never get back and never forget it.  Majority of the time in my life I have overlooked those ever so beautiful "Ah ha moments".   When I was a child, I remember  recognizing those moments much more frequently.  Anything could have set me off, mainly hearing the chimes of the ice cream truck around the corner or watching one of my favorite movies, "My Girl", for the millionth time.  It made me think, hm, where did that childlike quality go?  Well it never went anywhere, it lays every so gently dormant in my body patiently waiting for me to recognize the "Ah ha moment".  So let us remember that inner grateful child!!

Trust, find your inner voice and open your heart to surrender with gratitude.

        The second week of Yoga teacher training briskly came and went filled with waves of emotions, challenges, and most importantly smiling bright eyes. We amped up our asana practice and our minds, feeling warn out by day 14 yet still yearning for more knowledge.  My eager body rested whenever given the chance and was regularly replenished with the magical fruits and vegetables provided by the jungle of Costa Rica.  The search was ignited to find my inner teaching voice.  When first teaching my fellow friends, I found myself having brain farts almost every few sentences as I tried to express the flow of my practice.  What foot to what hand? BRAIN, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, SPIT IT OUT!  Judgement tried to push it’s way in.  The old me most likely would have given up, but the new me decided to show compassion and remember that we always have tomorrow to improve.  

          Day 2 of finding our inner voice. I was exhausted and did not want to think of one more asana.  After two cups of coffee I remembered what it was like to be a somewhat functioning person.  We were put to the challenge once again, to find the teacher that is within us.  As drained as I was, I thought to myself that this new day can only get better.  To my reassurance, finding my voice today was not as frightening.  It was a voice deep inside me which I had been struggling to find for years.  Sure, speaking up to my parents was never hard for me especially being the baby of the family. However, speaking up for others to hear me seemed like a different galaxy.  My whole body vibrated with excitement screaming, “Yes, Finally, you found it!”. By the end of the day my face ached with the pain of smiling from ear to ear.  It was a smile of embracing her (my inner voice) and letting her finally shine. I'm going to go ahead and name her Sapphire. I began to enjoy her company progressively more as I taught asana the following day.   The pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit just perfectly by day three as I relaxed my shoulder’s, taught from my heart, and breathed out pure passion.  It was safe to say I found Sapphire.  She was sweet and blissful.

What is Grace?

This question has been a persistent thought I find struggling to grasps my mind around.  Visually I can see grace through yoga postures, however I struggle to verbalize my thoughts of such a beautiful word.  My perception of grace is the connection or threads which consistently challenge us, helping us to recognize and understand ourselves as well as the universe surrounding us.  Opening to grace is an awareness to understanding the difficult yet wonderful gift of grace itself and how it plays such a vital role in life. Intangible as it seems to be, grace is always there and is always waiting for us to use in a vibrant way for our own divine play.  When presented with the idea from Ashley to create our own idea of what the chakras mean to me through art, it was a task I felt at home with.  The art materials laid out, the music was playing and inspiration was surrounding me.  Somehow my mind went blank but my hands took over letting my heart lead them.  About thirty minutes later I stood back, not truly knowing what I was painting, and realized how much emotion and energy was present in the simple picture. The power of art shined through and in this moment the depiction of my chakra's showed me more about myself than I could have asked.  When meeting with my Kula the next night, each of us took a step back to once again see our depiction of our chakras.  It was amazing to see it in a different light and with a different perspective from the previous day.  Taking a step back showed me a new story about myself, realizing that to take a step back and look at events in my life from different angles is sometimes a challenge, but very much necessary to gain a wiser insight into who I truly am. This morning I consciously told myself to release from the tension and focal point of where I place all of my energy and for god's sake open to grace!

Intuition amiss the storm

Nervous energy and excitement engulfed my body as I entered the
endearing country of Costa Rica.  With my over packed luggage and
eager heart, I found my way up the steep, yet lush and beautiful
driveway to the Costa Rica Yoga Spa. In that pleasant moment wondering
if I was possibly dreaming the reality I had been looking forward to
for months, my intuition spoke to me.  My Kula (community) was waiting and ready
for me.  It was time to listen to that so called ‘gut’ feeling and
release any uneasy breathe buried within me.  Ah, yes, exhale and
trust.

The serene atmosphere of the sacred space overlooking the wild jungle
surrounding me was more than my senses could handle.  Overwhelming
feelings were trying to intrude on this beautiful moment.  It was time
to tell my mind to stop thinking and remember my prana’s ability to
take me back to my ‘gut’ feeling, which I had just a spit second ago.
So easily we let our mind lead us.  I thought to myself, isn’t yoga
supposed to be mind, body & spirit.  That’s when I remembered to let
go and BAM! I was back to my intuition followed by the warm smiles
from my new friends.

After an interesting first three days of yoga teacher training, I was
given a task by my guru to spend the next week working on my most
challenging pose. I was exhausted, introverted and simply not enthused
by this task. Of course, my favorite and least challenging pose came
immediately to mind, however my intuition was telling me to work on
Pincha Mayurasana (forearm balance). It was THE dreaded pose I have
been “working on” for months.  I somehow always find myself angered by
this pose but unwilling to take the time to dissect it.   As each day
passed, I struggled with the perfectionist within me as I fell out of
the pose constantly.  Discouragement and judgement toward myself was
constantly entering my thoughts.  It was difficult to escape my own
perceptions, until I remembered to honor the teacher within me.  Would
I speak badly to my students or get angered at them the way I am
speaking to myself? Of course not.  That is when I spoke to my inner
teacher and started from beginner’s mind.  We often forget to come
back to beginner’s mind but it is there, where I do not recognize my
ego’s subtle intrusion.  Releasing from the ego and focusing on the
fundamentals of the pose increased my awareness.  I decided to pop the
bubble of the angered judgmental ego away into space and soared into
Pincha Mayurasana.  Almost forgetting to breathe, I relaxed and smiled
at the teacher with in me. Woohoo! I had finally come face to face
with my mind and found my intuition.

Yoga Teacher Training Week One

Wow, I'm in Costa  Rica for yoga teacher training. That is the only thing running through my mind at the moment. Let me take a step back and thank all the amazing people in my life including my parents, brother, and friends who have all made a beautiful impact on who I am.  I am blessed and loving every moment of the life I am living.  Releasing feelings that do not serve me, I continue my journey to understanding who I am and why I am here.  Things should get exciting. Let the rainbows shine, the unicorns (yes, unicorns) run free, and the mountains roar with excitement!